Library

"...the library... Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books. You're not supposed to talk much anyway so it's safe there." - Tanya Davis, How to Be Alone

I was frustrated. I was in a neighboring town I'd visited often, & I wasn't lost, but the library didn't seem to be where the internet said it would be in this town. Let me repeat myself. I wasn't lost. *narrows eyes & grins at all of you who are chuckling at my obnoxious statement*
I call them. Turns out, the damn place IS right where the internet said it was supposed to be, but I was just oblivious to it. It was smack dab off the main road, in between a grocery store & an Applebee's. My irritability melted away when I scored a terrific parking spot, right near the entrance, under a beautiful tree in the shade.

As I walked in, I stopped the first librarian I saw behind a counter & asked how long this specific library had been there. 
"1978," she said, laughing as she saw my mouth drop. How is it, that a person like myself, never knew it was there? I'd driven past it so many times, & never took notice of it's presence. I'd eaten at the restaurants next to it & others in the area many times; I'd shopped at that grocery store before, & still never knew that pillar of knowledge was wedged between them. Go figure!

It'd been quite some time since I'd visited a library. Not since before my youngest was born; I think, when I went to the one in my hometown, checked our 4 or 5 books, & never returned them.
What?
Oh, c'mon! You know you've done it too! Some of you may even still have books from your high school library, so I don't wanna hear it. After all, I happen to have donated to my local library, so it cancels out. So there. =P

There was something soothing about being there. Something familiar & comforting. As if I had just returned home. I sat down at one of the many tables, to write some of these first thoughts down, when I noticed a warning sign about the wireless internet connection there. It made me chuckle to think of the local library having wi-fi. As I looked around me, I saw an eclectic group of ppl, & two computer labs. One with about 20 hi def comps, accompanied by a computer lab monitor (yes, that's a local gov't employee), & the other on the opposite side of the building, in the "juvenile" section, equipped with 7 or 8 comps, & kids playing all kinds of educational but challenging games. Very cool.
It reminded me of some of my favorite comp games when I was a child. Like "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" & "Oregon Trail." Remember those? Man, those were good quality games. I gotta find me a computer junkie now, to hook me up!

Anyway, moving on. I got up & started to do what I came to do; what I was most excited about. Browsing the books. I made my way to the farthest corner, near a large, wall sized window, just pouring in the sunlight. I stepped into the warmth of it's rays, & breathed in deep, & took in the smell of the books behind me. I strayed there in the natural light for a moment, & peered out over the lawn, where some wrens were pecking at the dirt under the lush grass. I immediately wanted to check out a book & go sit outside & just soak up all the moment had to give me, but I'd only been there all of 15 mins, so... I pressed on.

As I took a step back from the window to continue on my journey, the sun lit up a stained glass portrait hanging from the tip top. It resembled a library, in old days. There was a black man in a hat sitting under a tree reading a book. Above the building in the picture, there was statement that read, "Nourishment for the Soul." I absolutely loved it.


For a while, there was a lot of the bending of the head, cocking it to one side, to read the vertical labels & authors listed on the bands of the books. I eventually found one I felt was worth picking up. In doing so, I noticed something about myself. I tend to prefer solid colored books, or at least solid colored bands, with book covers that have simple color patterns. The book I picked up was, "Aesop Without Morals," in which there were hundreds of the short but lesson filled fables, with primary illustrations. My favorite was #32, called The Homicide, in which we learn, dear friends, that Karma is a bitch, & folks even in Aesop's times recognized it. Ha. 
 
I made my way through the rows, finding tons of things that intrigued me. I have to admit, I felt a bit like Belle from Disney's "Beauty & the Beast," in the scene where the beast throws back the curtains in the library & gives her those thousands of books. It was rather overwhelming, being surrounded by such wealth of knowledge. 

It occurred to me, quite often when my thoughts would get to me, that in being alone amongst the books (at least that many books), it doesn't really feel like being alone.

 I could almost hear the books calling out to me (a biography on the late Elizabeth Taylor more so than most), "Pick me! Pick me!" I was reminded of the brilliant film, "The Pagemaster," with the astounding actor Christopher Lloyd.

I found the HUGE dictionary that each library always has open, & as always, got curious as to which word it was opened to. "Cantankerous" was at the top of the opened page. Hm. Interesting.

I continued on back around toward the entrance, & was pleasantly surprised at what I found. Free Income Tax Forms. A table about 20 feet long lined with them. Isn't that cool? Next to it was a bulletin board for community activities scheduled to take place there at the library, & sign up info on lots of clubs to join, classes to take, & fundraisers to participate in. There was also a ton of pamphlets on raising public awareness on things like Domestic Violence & Discrimination.

There was a Graphic Novel section (oh my), standing alone, near the librarians quarters. I found that amusing. There was also a section specifically for CDs (mainly movie soundtracks), DVDs & Audio Books, separated into discs & audio cassette. I loved that they still carry tapes. I was glad for that. There should be a little of the past mixed in with the ever fast paced present.

What I didn't find was the machines where you can browse through really old newspapers, but I suppose you can't have your cake & eat it too.

I took note of the color of the walls. Most of them were a deep teal, an underwater color almost. Very soothing. The white ones were covered in inspirational, & very colorful artwork, I assume from children & young adults in the community.

I'm totally smiling. My eyes give it away :)

I made my way back to the poetry section (of course, it's my absolute favorite. I could live there), & spent the remainder of my stay there (til the announcement that the library would be closing in 5 mins came over the loud speaker. Yeah. I was there a while). I stuck my nose in a book, smelling the crispness of the paper, feeling the indents of the inked words under my fingertips, hearing the creak in the bind, my senses firing off as I began my journey. I was transported to another world by power of the imagination & didn't want to leave.

I did not notice anyone else around me. I was completely enveloped in myself & what I possessed within my grasp, & for the time being, for once...


I was completely content being alone.
The beginning of success is now <3
 

Coffee Shop

"start with the acceptable places: the coffee shop... Where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there," -Tanya Davis, How to Be Alone

I'm gonna jump from past to present tense in this entry, which is literar-ically incorrect (as well as that word I just made up), but oh well. I like it. Deal with it, and love it (please?) <3

I really wanted to go to a small, perhaps family owned coffee shop, instead of one of those big chains, like the obvious Starbucks, or Joe Muggs, or Dunkin Donuts. I had my eye on a place in my home town called Wholly Ground, but their hours didn't fit my schedule, so I was forced to go big. Yupp, you guessed it. Starbucks. Ah, lovely. For someone who has been an entrepreneur, I felt like I was cheating some unwritten code by buckling down and doing this there. Oh well. To the cause.

So, prior to this, I'd NEVER stepped foot in a Starbucks in my life, much less, alone. I've just always been highly against them, but se la vi (and yes, I know it's correctly spelled "c'est la vie" but I happen to like the look of the former better than the latter. I'm strange. Who's surprised here?).

I chose one that was right around the corner from where I was spending my weekend, & right up the road from the next destination on my list, the library.

As I approached the door, there was a lettering on it that said they'd been open for 40 years. I was surprised. It seemed to me that Starbucks only came on the scene about 10-15 years ago. But the fact that they'd been around so long actually made me feel tons better. I'm still not sure why. Some of that reassurance was smited when I walked in & saw the fully operational drive thru. Yeah, that kinda killed it, ha.

Being in a coffee shop period is a little out of the ordinary for me to begin with being that I don't drink coffee or tea as a lifestyle choice (yes, that probably also means religious). But being that I've worked as a barista before, I knew there'd be something I could drink that wouldn't interfere with my nutrition plan. I got a newspaper, ordered a double chocolatey chip frappichino (with no espresso, which is called a creme but with that little accent symbol over the first 'e' but I can't figure out how to get it there), a piece of chocolate chip banana bread, & a dark chocolate bar, & made my way to the worn but comfy teal chairs in the corner just beside the entrance.

I really loved the style of music they played, & as I sat and relaxed, glorified chocolate milk in hand, I observed my surroundings. There was an impressive outside seating area, lots of signs that promoted the support of the Red Cross relief for the disaster in Japan, & some stuff concerning AIDS awareness in Africa promoted by (RED). I was beginning to like this place even more. They weren't the selfish-stuck-up-big-corporate-junkies I'd originally thought they'd be.

There weren't very many ppl in there, which also surprised me, b/c I'd always seen the parking lot of those places packed. But the few ppl that were in there amused me. There were two ppl on laptops (& I wondered how I must look compared to them, with my handy dandy notebook [yes, that was a Blue's Clues ref, I have kids, lol] & pen) & two young men in the other set of comfy chairs. I chuckled b/c they looked like they could have been members of a band like Fall Out Boy. As time went on, I found myself making up descriptive nicknames for lingering customers based purely on their appearance.

-There was the Laptop Lady (who later became the Angry Laptop Lady)

-The Old Youngin - an older man wearing aviator shades, beige skinny jeans, & sporting badly highlighted hair.

-The Cuban Cigar Man - also took the nickname of Howard Stern, later when I finally put my finger on who he reminded me of.

-The Birthday Card Guy - who was yummy enough to be on the cover of a birthday card.

-Old PDA Couple - nuff said there.

-Purple Count von Count Guy - a guy wearing a purple shirt that had the face of The Count from Sesame Street on it (very cool btw)

Some of these folks had virtually no influence on my experience at the coffee shop, some did.

I realize that I'm not really hungry, & that I don't want to eat my cake. I set it up all nice & pretty on the table next to me, in between the two comfy chairs. I decide that I'm going to do an experiment. The first fearless person who comes & sits next to me in these coveted chairs, I'd give them my cake.

No one came. Punks.

Plenty of folks eyeballed the chair, but no one parked their bottoms.

I started to read my paper. I haven't read a paper in so long, & the thought of it excited me, but the headlines were discouraging. Has no one any good to report in the world today? Reading about all the tragedy in the world made me sad (and so did the fact that no one came to sit next to me. Psh. Snobs.). I read in the paper that today was the 99th day of the year. And that it is Hugh Heffner's 85th birthday. That was probably the most positive thing in the paper... well, the 99th day thing. I'm not sure if news that a PlayBoy perv has outlived... wait. I guess living well enough to live long is something positive, & getting it on at that age is something to be proud of too. Hm, well then, previous partial statement retracted. Happy 85th, Heff.

The Laptop Lady keeps looking at me awkwardly. I bet she's wondering what I'm writing, & why I keep snapping random pictures. I dodge eye contact with her b/c she's starting to weird me out with as much as she's making my presence her business. 

There were an extraordinary amount of kids that came in with their parents which surprised me. I'd never think a Starbucks was a place to bring kids, but apparently, it's fun. Especially if you're a kid armed with an iPad. A father & a daughter came in, & after they got their snacks & drinks, he very audibly asks her where she wants to sit. He looks at me as if he's waiting for me to give up my seat b/c there are TWO comfy chairs, TWO of them, & only ONE of me. Ha. Nope. Sorry! I'm on a mission, & I'm damn well gonna be comfortable while I'm accomplishing it.

I sat there long enough to where the sounds & the smells were so familiar to me, that I actually started to get that panicky feeling like I was at work, & I had to fight the urge to ask random ppl if they needed help with anything.
I need a nap, & I want to leave. But Howard Stern just lit his Cuban outside right next to the entrance, & I know if I even get one whiff of that nasty thing, I'll hurl.

A song comes on that I know & love. I sing along.

What? I don't care. It was second nature. And it was fun. And it didn't sound completely horrendous.

Yeah, NOW you have a reason to look at me Laptop Lady =P

She then begets her newer nickname, & becomes Angry Laptop Lady, when she gets on her cell & starts yelling at the someone on the other end.

"It's not out til JUNE... Well, I'm telling YOU, I'm looking right at it,"

Shortly after that, she gets up to pee & then leaves. Thank goodness.

A man who I made eye contact with & smiled at, who I was trying to will into the seat next to me with my mind (*says inside my head to him, "Come sit next to me. Please. You can have my cake,"*) sat down outside alone.

At first, as I have in previous entries, I pondered why we seclude ourselves when we're all in the "endless quest for company" (as so stated by the poem that inspired this entire thing)-- but then I thought...
Perhaps all these ppl (well, at least some of them) are all graduates of the lesson I'm trying to learn. Perhaps they're comfortable being alone, & in some instances, like now, actually prefer it.

Hm, lesson in progress. :)

Birthday Card Guy comes in, smiles, & makes eye contact & looks as if he's going to ask if the seat next to me is taken (wishful thinking?), but he chickens out & sits where Angry Laptop Lady was & pulls out his Mac. He never looks up again.

Ugh, a Mac. Oh well, at least he's nice to look at ;)

I start running some numbers in my head. 37 ppl passed by me & looked at my empty seat. 12 did not.

Roughly 40% of the ppl who came into the store were alone, & 83.7% were well dressed.

I don't know if any of these numbers mean anything, but I ran em anyway. It was interesting.

One person spoke to me. ONE.

An older man who said as he was leaving, "Looka you sittin there all by yourself," as if it was a shame that I was. Nice man. Thanks for pointing out the obvious.

The father & daughter got up to leave, & as they did, the little girl was talking to her dad about me (y'know you can always tell when someone's talking about you, as they cover their mouths with their hand, & both sets of eyes dart toward you,). I think she wanted to ask me something, & I'm pretty sure he encouraged her to (Yay Dad!), but she chickened out too, & left, chewing on her hair.

Oh honey, don't do that.

I decide I've had enough & get ready to brace Cuban Cigar Man/Howard Stern as I get up to throw my napkins & drink away. No sooner do I turn around from the trash can, two rude women have taken my spot(s). I didn't care so much, but I hadn't cleared out all my stuff yet. How the crap did they know I was done? Damn.

It just kinda made me sad, especially when no one wanted my cake.

Oh well.

Overall, it was kinda nice. I just may do it again. It seems fairly normal to be in coffee shop alone, at least to 40% of the folks that came through while I was there. Maybe they're onto something the rest of us aren't. Hmmmm...